


Regina's Diary: Regarding Captain Swan

by ruffledparasols



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Diary/Journal, F/F, Jealousy, Post-Neverland, Swan Queen Week, Swan Queen Week Winter 2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 12:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4349357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruffledparasols/pseuds/ruffledparasols
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After returning back safely from Neverland Emma and Regina have begun living together for Henry's sake. It's only after Emma begins seeing the damn pirate that Regina realizes just how much the blonde means to her.<br/>A one shot for Swan Queen week 2015 : Jealousy/Best Friend Romance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regina's Diary: Regarding Captain Swan

**Author's Note:**

> This was a one shot I wrote a while back and decided I should post for Swan Queen week under jealousy/best friend romance. Note: It takes place after Neverland - when we all assumed that Zelena was killed by Gold.
> 
> Prompt: One where hook cheats on Emma or in some way hurts her and Regina comforts her. Then they realize how they really felt about each other despite everything that has happened, so set around season 4 if possible, but work it any way you want if you do decide to roll with it.

  
  _ **Regina's**_ _**Diary** _  


Damn right. That woman and her doe-eyed cuteness would be the death of me yet. It had only been a few weeks since we, her, myself, the Charmings, Rumpelstiltskin and the damn pirate and lost boy who kept trying to one up each other for her love had returned from the island. In our time spent on that waste of a beach, my relationship with my son's other mother had grown substantially. So much so that on the second night back, I was only slightly surprised when I heard a knock on my door and opened it to see Miss Swans shy smiling face behind it. She had said she couldn't stand another night at home with the love sick Charmings, and felt like she should spend as much time with her son that she could. Another thing I had been slightly shocked by, that they had let Henry stay with me and not immediately take him. Well, more-so Emma had voted that I take Henry since the two Charmings were definitely not in that same state of mind. Nevertheless, both reasons for her being at my door at dusk were understandable, but I couldn't help but feel like something else was missing. Some other reason that she didn't convey in her words, but her deep eyes spoke volumes.

Now, a few weeks of living with her in house, sitting in my study lit by the glow of the very large TV screen playing reruns of her favorite TV show - _Rizzoli and Isles, I believe?_  - I physically felt myself having to pull my eyes away from her.

"Well, you're in luck." She had said, muting the screen, "You wont have to worry about feeding me for much longer."

"Oh?" Was all I could come up with.

"Yeah, Hook has asked for me to move in with him."

And my stomach dropped. I swear diary, in that moment I understood what my recently deceased sister must have felt like on a daily basis. Jealous, possessive, avaricious. Wronged by life and envious enough to turn ones complexion green. I'm not quite sure what it is about the Pirate that throws my emotions so far for a loop, quite literally making me want to hurl up my lunch, but something about him does.  _Probably the stench of wet unwashed leather._  And the fact that he was now asking for Emma to move in with him made all of those feelings come up at once, like badly cooked meat.

Which was another thing. Not the meat, but the fact that Emma had been dating the Pirate whilst she had been living with me. Er, well, living in my house. With me  _in_  the house... at the same time... But it's for Henry. But still, under my roof... But... whatever! The fact was, she had been sleeping under my roof, waking up in my guest bedroom. and cooking and preparing  _my_  food for the past few weeks, all the while while dating him. And secretly so, I might add.

It was only when she forgot to pick up Henry from play practice, last Friday, that I even questioned. Henry had been up in arms about making every play practice, since he wrote the play himself, made the costumes and is having his directorial debut. Honestly, I couldn't be more proud, maybe all of those nights reading that damn story book that brought about so much pain could have prompted something good. And Emma, ever the good mother, has been all over picking him up and dropping him off - saying that ' _I do so much already, it was the least she could do to contribute_.'

So that was why I was shocked when she blatantly forgot to pick him up on the day that he was going shopping for the final sowing supplies to complete the costumes. Something about needing a yard of embroidered velvet and chain mail,  _stat_. I'm not really sure what type of costumes my 12 year old son is making with chain mail, and that's because he and his birth mother have decided to team up and keep them from me. Both of them opening their wide eyes to mimic the face of a sad puppy dog, saying,  _' but they're a surprise Mom!'_

It was the over dramatic sniffle at the end that won me over. Needless to say, I didn't remind them how much I hate surprises.

So the unprompted forgetting of his special day had me stumped. And when I'm stumped diary I snoop. Luckily for me, Miss Swan likes to show off and recently has been regaling me with all of her genius when it comes to hacking. However I don't think she expected me to use her tricks back on her so soon.  _Silly woman_. With ease I unlocked her phone, the code was honestly way to easy - Henry's birthday - and I did a check on all of her texts and recent phone calls. Everything had been wiped.

I then grabbed her laptop, password was 123EmmaIsMe, ( _seriously)_  and checked through her emails.

Nothing.

With a huff I gave up trying to figure out the answers by myself.

When Emma arrived home late I gave her a glare and she at least had the decency to look sheepish. However my plans for interrogating her after dinner and making her feel bad for leaving Henry to fend for himself out in the cold, vanished when I saw her eyes. The woman is very non expressive when it comes to verbalizing her emotions. That's one thing I like about her as we share the same trait. She may not tell you straight out what shes feeling but her actions speak louder than words. And in that moment her eyes were screaming out to me, not to question her but rather to drop the topic entirely. So I did.

It wasn't until a week later, when I was stopping off by the grocery store to grab some red pepper flakes and cinnamon, since we had run out at home due to the two human vacuum cleaners living in my house, that I saw them.

Emma was just around the corner, getting out of her little death trap of a car, making her way to the docks. I found myself about to call out to her to make her come and carry some of these groceries until I saw why she was there. Or  _who_  she was there for, I should say,

She walked across the rain washed docks, her leather jacket and boots matched today, towards the skulking figure in the corner. I felt my stomach flip, the bile rising in my throat. It was the damn pirate.

He walked towards her, holding out his hook, beckoning, like it somehow made him attractive. And she fell for it. Just as she got up next to him, the pirate wrapping his one good hand and metal fist around her back, he moved in for a kiss and I couldn't stomach it anymore. I closed my eyes, turning away before I nearly wretched over the fresh ingredients for my famous lasagna.

That's when it all came together.

They had been dating, and behind our backs. Well, it wasn't like she owed anyone an explanation or needing anyone's permission. I knew that... But it would have been nice to know the type of people my sons birth mother was allowing herself to swap saliva with on a daily basis!

Ugh.

So, I proceeded to buy what was in my cart, since my relaxing shopping trip had been ruined and got on home where I could take out my remaining anxiety and frustration that was rattling in my bones on the carrots and celery that needed to be chopped.

When Emma had come back, looking particularity smitten, I placed a hand over my stomach, as to remind myself not to hurl, and fed her her dinner. Once that was over, and she and Henry had had their now customary after dinner Mario Kart match, I grabbed two tumblers from the cupboard and my hardest apple cider and went to my study and waited.

Without fail, Emma came down minutes later, pajama clad, her eyes looking for me.

"So when were you going to tell me?" I said, proud that my words only came out slightly slurred, and only at the end of my sentence.

"Tell you what?" She had said.

I scoffed, feeling the burn from the alcohol at the base of my throat. Liquid courage some called it. I think it's liquid loose lips, if you ask me diary, as I seemed to have no lock on mine as the seconds wore on.

"You and the Pirate. You've been seeing him, and don't try to deny it, I saw you. You missed Henry's practice. So when were you going to tell me Swan?" I nearly hiccuped.

The blondes face went ashen white, slightly reminding me of her mothers regular complexion, before she spoke again.

"Regina, how much have you had to drink?"

I was offended. "Never you mind how much I have or have not drank. You're avoiding the question."

"A few weeks, why? Why does it matter to you?" She said, crossing her arms in front of her with such force that the bun she had thrown her locks into atop of her head shook, making her look like a 5'10 twelve year old throwing a tantrum. It was sickeningly cute.

"It- it doesn't." I replied.

"Good," She said, moving to sit down on the other end of the couch that I was currently occupied, she pointed at the undrunk tumbler next to me, "Is that for me?"

"No," I said, picking it up and downing it too.

She huffed in annoyance, standing up and walking away.

So now diary, I find myself at a stand still. It had been a few weeks of nothing else said between us on the matter. She didn't miss another of Henry's practices and I didn't mention her poor taste in dating material.

In fact, we had pretended that the events in which  _had_  taken place  _hadn't_  so well that I nearly forgot, running under the illusion that it was all just something I concocted in my brain during my drunken stupor. Until this moment that was.

Emma was leaving. Going off to live with that smelly pirate, who I am sure hasn't realized that in this world baths are not just a luxury for the rich anymore.

"Well, I wish you the best." I said, as I could see she was waiting on some kind of response from me about her plans. The face she gave me was unreadable. Somewhere in between stated but not satisfied. She seemed to be thankful that I had responded in kind, however there was something deeper in her eyes that suggested that she wouldn't have been completely impartial to me disagreeing with the idea of her address switch.

So within the next few days Miss Swan had moved her belongings out. I hadn't even realized how much she had brought over. When she had arrived, she only had had one relatively small duffle bag and a backpack. Now, I was cleaning out my cupboards and found that they weren't as full as they used to be. The floor of my down stairs closet was visible again, as the mountain that was the plethora of Emma's leather jackets weren't littering it like a teenagers bedroom floor. The most noticeable difference was the cap to my toothpaste that had disappeared months ago had reappeared magically back in its rightful place on the tube.

I sighed, screwing the cap back on.

She was gone.

Never did I think I would miss the presence of Emma Swan. So that's why I was slightly shocked when she reappeared at the entrance of my study one night a few weeks later, dripping wet, with mascara running down her face.

"Miss Swan?" I said, startled to see her.

"Hey, c-can we talk?"

The small woman was shivering. Her thin top was drench, sticking to her tiny frame, overemphasizing the outline of her toned abs. I shook, feeling a cold chill run through me, almost like a shiver.

"Sure," I said, almost without thinking, disregarding the fact that the woman had moved out 3 weeks ago and definitely had just let herself in the front door.  _Did she still have a key?_

I reached to grab her a chair, but she had already sat down on the end of the couch, which I had at some point in time started referring to as 'ours'. Wrapping her feet under her, which I had just realized were only clad in fuzzy socks, a sure sign that Emma had been in the house for a few moments prior, taking her shoes off and probably her signature re leather jacket.  _How had I not heard the door?_

When a few moments of silence had passed and she hadn't said anything but a quite 'thanks' as I gave over a bit of my blanket for her to wrap under, I broke the silence.

"Not to seem rude, but what is it that you're doing here Miss Swan?"

She looked up and for the first time that night I noticed that her big blue eyes were rimmed red with unshed tears.

I felt myself moving before I realized, and I had my hand on her shoulder for comfort.

"Emma, what is it?"

The blonde woman's freezing shoulders began to shake, and not from the cold. Suddenly, small tears began to trickle there way down her soft cheeks, leaving trails on her skin as her breathe became ragged.

Not sure what had happened, I gripped harder, trying again, "Emma?"

"H-hook-" Was all she could make out before another bout of tears cascaded down her face.

"Hook what?"

"H-he cheated on me."

_What?!_  I instantly felt the bile that had become the accustom response to the pirates name rise in my throat. But before I could mouth all of the words that came to mind she continued.

"I knew he had been sneaking around for a-for a while, b-but I thought, I thought that maybe he had meant it this time. That he had changed." She cried, letting out one particularly loud sob. "But no one changes."

And with that the chasm that was Emma Swan broke, and I found myself holding the Savior in my arms for the good part of an hour. She sobbed, and I wrapped her further in her blanket, rubbing her shoulders as to try and help in someway to keep her warm.

It wasn't until after she had calmed, and I swear all of the tears that she held in her had evaporated, that she spoke again.

"Except you." She said with a sniffle.

"What?" I spoke absentmindedly at her sudden breach of silence.

She shifted to look up at me and I realized that some how my completely innocent hold on her shoulders had shifted to my arms around her sides, her back pressed to my chest, and head in the crook of my neck. Damn diary, if I didn't think it was weird before, it sure was now.

"Except you Regina," the woman spoke, no sniffles to be found anymore. "You've changed."

I was speechless. By now her eyes were level with mine as she had turned, facing me, taking the damn blanket with her. I shivered. From. The. Cold...  _Damn her._

"Well I-" I began only to be cut off by her again.. really this was becoming a rude habit.

"You have. You're not the same woman that I met all that time ago when I dropped Henry off at his adopted mothers doorstep." She had the audacity to laugh, "You were scary then, only out for revenge. But you're not seeking that kind of power anymore. You've changed. You care about him like no other, and I've seen what a wonderful mother you are. And despite your past, you've overcome your dark ways and have seaked the light for him. You even teamed up with your arch nemesis to defeat pan and your sister in order to save him! You're not the same Regina! You've changed."

I stared at the blonde woman, whose eyes were as big as dinner plates, flabbergasted by her words. I'm not sure if she had any idea how much everything she had said meant to me, or not but without my consent I found myself on the brink of tears before I could stop myself.

"Regina? H-hey?" The blonde before me said, confused at my change of mood. And I bet she was confused as I sat there, probably looking like a mental patient, as my insides waged war trying to decide if they wanted to burst into tears or shake with mirth. When Emma spoke again, I did something that shocked us both.

I hugged her diary.

Full out, no holding back, I hugged her, embracing her toned frame in my arms, breathing in her unique scent.  _Pine trees and sandalwood._

For a moment, I think she was as stunned as I was before she gripped me back, holding on tightly.

And that's when I knew, diary, that I had been feeling something for Emma Swan for a while now. And she had been for me. This ease of a friendship that we had fallen into hadn't been a coincidence. Fate had had a twisted way of putting us in each others live, but she was right. Ever since that night that she had arrived in Storybrooke, I hadn't been the same.

And now I knew she felt similar, or at least she saw that change in me. That was all I could ask for.

Breaking apart, she stared at me before speaking, "So would it be weird if I asked to move back?" She said.

I felt a small smile curve up my lips, breaking into a full out grin.

"I think that would be a great idea."


End file.
